I've waited all my life just to find a love that feels this right
by emmatopia
Summary: One Direction inspired the title. Jackson's meetings with a crazy female therapist. Review please!


**Emmerdale and characters belong to ITV.  
**I think I got my mojo back! Anyway; I really hope you like this story.

* * *

Hazel Rhodes was out of her depth. She was out of options. And she hated it. And now she and Aaron had to go behind her son's back. She hated it. But it had to be done. 'Cause giving in to his demands were not an option. She couldn't do it - at least not before she'd tried everything to change that stubborn boy's mind. After all; he was her little baby - always would be.

But this - lying to him - it was tearing at her soul. Created anxiety that made her heart heavy as stone. She hated leaving him in the dark. Especially now - when she knew how much pain he was in - and how much he hated being treated as he didn't have a say in what went on, as if he didn't have a mind of his own. She knew he had a mind of his own. She certainly did. And she knew that he would down right refuse this. But she had to take action. She couldn't give up on him. So she didn't care if he started hating her. She'd rather have him hate her and still be alive than have him be grateful to her and dead.

* * *

Aaron Livesy loved his boyfriend. He really did. He'd never imagined he'd end up with him when he'd first laid eyes on him. Well, then he'd never wanted to be with any man back then. Ever. But he'd been mesmerized by Jackson's charm; his way of looking at life and above all; his sexuality. And after he'd assaulted him he'd realized how much Jackson actually meant to him. And after he'd seen him in Bar West after the court case he realized he had it bad for him. He smiled everytime he thought about it. And eventually they'd become one.

His first time - their first time - had been a whirlwind of emotions. Fear and dread, amaze and wonder, pleasure and happiness. He'd had no clue what he'd been doing - his hands had trembled, fumbled in the darkness over Jacksons naked, warm body and it had all been so new and unfamiliar. But when Jackson had laid him down on the bed and kissed him softly he'd felt a little calmer somehow. He'd been scared that it would all feel wrong but Jackson had made everything feel so right. and soon enough he'd just relaxed down on the bed and let Jackson guide him through the unknown. It had been the start of something new and hopefully amazing.

But he'd screwed it up - and Jackson had driven away; and because of that stupid phone Jackson's van had ended up on a level crossing, been hit by a train and he was now and forever paralyzed from the shoulders down. So here he was now; in love with a man that was paralyzed for life. And worse than that; the man he loved more than life itself was unhappy. So unhappy he wanted to die. And Aaron mourned in silence the fact that he couldn't make him happy; he'd take his place in a shot if he could. All he wanted was to make him see how great they could be together. But Jackson wanted to die; and he understood, 'cause he himself had wanted just the same thing once. But it seemed as Jackson had already made up his mind and didn't really want to try and give life a chance and that's what he hated the most.

There was plenty of time left to die. And after have escaped death once - in the accident - why couldn't Jackson just embrace the fact that he still was alive and just make the most of the life that he had? But of course, he thought, he wasn't a tetraplegic himself and had no clue what Jackson was going through. Still, he could imagine, but only a fraction.

So - it all had come down to this - Aaron had to keep things from him and take drastic decisions. He'd discussed the option with Hazel and she'd agreed in an instant. He knew it all might shatter and it might not help at all but at least he knew he'd tired it all, at least that's what he told himself.

* * *

Aaron and Hazel sat next to Jackson's bed where he laid staring at them. The room was so quiet you could be able to hear a pin drop. Aaron leaned his elbows against his knees. His heart raced so fast in his chest he thought it was going to push through his skin and jump away across the floor.

"We need to tell you something" Hazel said in a whisper, barely audible. She looked at her son.

"What?" Jackson wondered, suddenly worried.

"Well, we did something we know you won't approve off. We didn't do it because we want to be mean or anything we just …" Hazel suddenly stopped, she sighed heavily; she hated this part "all we want is for you to give it a chance. Please don't be mad at us darling, or at least hear us out first"

"Right. What did you do?" Jackson felt feelings of upset rise inside of him.

"Well" Aaron started, he tilted his head up too look his boyfriend in the eyes "we contacted a therapist. She's coming over later today. It's only one session - to begin with anyway - and you decide what you want to do with it. Either way - she's coming. End off"

"Please tell me you didn't!" Jackson shouted. Anger arouse inside him faster than a fighter aircraft launching itself into the sky. How could they bring in a therapist when all he wanted was to die? Idiots. He had to calm himself down. They were supposed to show him how great life could be not bring in some stupid woman who had nothing to do with how he felt.

"We did! You need to talk to someone instead of just keeping all that sadness inside you mate" Aaron pleaded.

"All I want is to die, why can't you see that?! Why can't you just give me what I want?!" Jackson yelled angrily. He was so angry his mind somehow broke down and stopped functioning. All that ran through him was a anger.

"We're not giving in to your demands. Not yet anyway. And you know why?" Aaron stood up, his eyes fixed at Jackson "because we love you! I love you and I want too keep you alive for as long as I can; always preferably. And your mom does too" he yelled. Jackson couldn't speak. He was at loss for words – not because of anger but because Aaron had yelled out that he loved him. Every time he said those three little words his heart melted and he stopped being angry.

"I love you too, both of you" he whispered, looking down onto his lap "I'm not very happy with what you did – you should've consulted me first" he looked up at Aarons sad blue eyes. Somewhere deep inside him he understood their reasons; because he could see them all clearly in the eyes of the man he loved. And maybe death wasn't the only option; maybe he could learn to live like this; learn to somehow find happiness within himself and maybe even learn to love his life? It wasn't like the option of suicide had a time limit.

He sighed and continued:

"I can see where you're coming from and I can kind of see why you did it – I'll meet with her but I haven't decided to say anything to her yet. We'll see how it goes, if I like her and all that ... I'll give it a go; for you"

"Thank you" Aaron whispered. He leaned down and kissed his boyfriend.

"Yes, thank you my darling" Hazel smiled.

She was a step closer to happy. But it was far from over. She knew that. Her heart said so. _Don't think this is it Hazel, he might not find peace within himself._ She'd carry all his baggage if she could. If she could; she'd wipe away all of the pain and tiredness from his eyes and make him happy again. Make him walk again.

Oh, if only she could.


End file.
